Searching for My Joy
- July 22, 2020
- The Glambassador
Boy, have these last few months been rough! As public as I am with my photos and sharing aspects of my life on social media, emotionally, I’m actually quite a private person. I rarely share the negative aspects of my life (with anyone really) unless I can also share how I overcame them. And since that has not happened quite yet, I’ve not felt comfortable discussing my feelings, not even to my friends. I’m under no illusion that my difficulties or feelings are unique to me or, in fact, even that difficult at all. But they are mine, and I’m dealing with them none the less.
We are all experiencing a shared trauma, and that can be equally comforting and horrifying. I’ve never suffered from anxiety or depression, so these feelings were entirely new for me. Therefore I’m not familiar with the coping mechanisms for these afflictions. So I’ve realized that maybe sharing some of my feelings could be a way of healing for me and others.
It’s no secret that I’ve had a difficult time adjusting to my new locale here (don’t let the smiling photos fool you). Hawaii has not been kind to us so far, and then this pandemic hit the world, and it just anchored so much more weight on our shoulders. It took me so long to find a job, and two months into that job, I was laid off. It took me another three months to find another job, and unfortunately, that job didn’t work out as I had hoped. But I know my own worth and my health and safety are more important to me than a paycheck. However, a paycheck is necessary to survive here in the most expensive state in the US.
Dress ~ eShakti
Necklace ~ Splendette
Hair Flower ~ Made by Me
Shoes ~ Comfortiva
Now I’ve landed a genuinely excellent opportunity to work with a dear, long-time friend. Assisting her in building her Animal Law practice in San Diego and here in Hawaii. I get to do what I love, work for someone I love and respect, and do it from the comfort and safety of my own home. And I’ll have the time and energy to focus on this blog and my YouTube channel, both of which I absolutely love to do and feel that it feeds my soul in a way that nothing else can. I’m starting to feel better about the future, and we are doing our best to find pockets of joy about living here. We took some time yesterday to find a beautiful spot to take some photographs. It took us three tries, but we found this gorgeous spot on the eastern end of the island called Makapuʻu Beach. It’s not a perfect spot (there are many homeless camps nearby), but it is stunning. There are tide pools, and the view of the lighthouse and the mountains behind are spectacular.
We are always on the lookout for great spots for photos, you’d think it wouldn’t be a struggle, but you’d be surprised at some of the difficulties we’ve encountered. It’s giving us a chance to explore the island a bit more, so I’m hoping that I’ll be posting more often. While in Europe, there was never a lack of fantastic photo spots, so it’s a change for me to have to work so hard to seek these out now.
I genuinely hope that you are all staying healthy, happy, and have your channels for healing and reaching out to others (including me) if you need help to bring you back to yourself. I appreciate all the love and support I’ve received from all of you over the years, it means the world to me.